Broken, day one

I have become like a broken vessel. ~Psalm 31:12

I am about to do something new!

Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

In the desert I make a way, in the wasteland, rivers. ~ Isaiah 43: 19

Brokenness and suffering are part of life in the world. There is nothing abnormal about it. As I walk through the woods, I notice the trees uprooted from storms, diseased and dying trees, many broken branches from high winds, and dried leaves that naturally fall and eventually rot and disappear. I love trees and it makes me sad to see so much loss and destruction; however, I know spring is here and new life is resurrecting. I rejoice in each new wildflower as it appears and love the greening and flowering of the forest. In the midst of death and dying in the forest new life and hope springs forth. The seasonal cycles of our lives are similar.

Recently I was visiting my 97 year old father, who generally has a great sense of humor. He was angry because the nurses took his walker with wheels away from him to prevent falls and keep him safer. He experienced this change as a lack of control and a decision made for him without his permission. It was another loss on top of all the other losses he has experienced. My dad’s anger surprised me, but it was honest and healthy. Even though suffering is part of the life cycle, this reality does not make it easy to face.

None of us can escape brokenness, in fact, our brokenness shapes our uniqueness. Nouwen suggests that “our brokenness is always lived and experienced as highly personal, intimate, and unique”. He is convinced that “each human being suffers in a way no other human being suffers.” Sometimes our woundedness cannot be mended and healing only comes when we can let go of the past. The great challenge in life is how to live through the struggle and not be defeated by it and how to open ourselves to hope and new life. Our brokenness can be an instrument of change and transformation or it can destroy us.

A Native American tale tells of an elder talking to his grandson about life. The elder said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting inside my heart. One wolf is vengeful, angry, and violent. The other wolf is loving and compassionate.” The grandson asked, “Which wolf will win the battle?” The grandfather replied, “It depends on which one I feed.” Chittister says that “the spiritual task of life is to feed hope that comes out of despair. Hope is not something to be found outside of us. It lies in the spiritual life we cultivate within. The whole purpose of wrestling with God is to be transformed into the self we are meant to become, to step out of the confines of our false securities and allow our creating God to go on creating in us”.

What would happen if we met our difficulties, losses, and heartaches as we would a visitor having something to teach us? Rupp asks, “What if we lingered a bit with our brokenness and asked it to help us grow? What might we learn from those pieces of our lives that are still wanting and incomplete?” What if we leaned into our limitations and surrendered to our wounds rather than resist them?

The proofs of eternal rebirth are all around us. Spring comes each year and dawn comes each morning. Just as trees and plants have their cycle of seasons, that of barrenness and greening, so do we as human beings. People die and friends leave us. Businesses and careers come to ruin. Sickness and disease sometimes debilitate us. Natural disasters happen. Evil and wars exist. Hope rides on the choice to allow our hearts to be broken open and believe that God walks with us in the darkness toward the light and new life.

Chittister emphasizes that “Life is not one road. It is many roads, the walking of which provides the raw material out of which we find hope in the midst of despair. Every dimension of the process of struggle is a call to draw from a well of new understandings. It is in these understandings that hope dwells. It is that wisdom that carries us beyond the dark night of struggle to the dawn of new wisdom and new strength”.

Song: Light. The Book of Rounds: October Project, 2015 or Blessed Are You – Sarah Hart

Prayer:

God of joy and sorrow, help me to do less judging of my life experiences as “good” or “bad” and to do more receiving of them as a part of the process of spritual growth. I trust that you will be my faithful companion and that you will strengthen me during difficult times. Help me to see beyond my darkness and perceive new life arising. Let hope and light shine through my brokenness to others. May I be open to grow in all the seasons of my life. ~ Joyce Rupp (adapted)

Reflection:

1. Imagine your difficulties or losses as a visitor having something to teach you. Linger with your rokennes and ask it how it wants to help you grow?

2. Reflect on your resistance to change or losses? How does it block new growth?

3. What helped you in difficult times in the past?

4. Ask God to give you wisdom and courage to let go of any old pain and difficulties that

keep you in bondage.

Resources:

Chittister, J. (2003) Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope. Grand Rapids, MI: William B.

Erdmans Publishing Co.

Nouwen, H. (1998). Life of the Beloved. New York, NY: The Crossroads Publishing

Company.

Rupp, J. (1997). The Cup of Our Life. Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press